Green Flags: This indicates a good relationship

Green flags are signs that indicate when meeting a new person whether a good relationship can develop from it. Here’s what to look out for when dating and making friends.

“Green flags” are slang terms used to describe traits and behaviors that a person exhibits when they meet you that might indicate that you can have a healthy, stable relationship with them. So they are the opposite of red flags, which are considered relationship warning signs.

Green flags are not only relevant in the context of romantic love relationships and dating. They also apply to platonic relationships, such as new friendships.

By paying attention to green flags when meeting new people, you can better assess whether a good relationship can develop from it – and thus make a conscious decision as to whether you want to invest time and effort in the new contact.

We identified twelve green flags when getting to know each other and explain in detail what you should pay attention to when dealing with a new person.

Attention and presence as green flags

Being able to be attentive and present with a partner is an important prerequisite for healthy, stable relationships. These qualities signal: I hear you. I’m interested in you. I appreciate your presence. You are important to me. You should therefore pay attention to the following green flags when you first meet a new person:

1. The person is a good listener: He listens to you carefully and asks interested questions. She talks about herself, but without dominating the conversation – your parts of speech are balanced. This indicates that your counterpart really wants to get to know you and is therefore interested in a deeper relationship with you. It can also be a sign that the person remains curious about your perspective even in conflict situations and can communicate non-violently.

2. The person is present: During your meeting, they do not look at their smartphone, but maintain eye contact. She is mentally with you and what you do together.

Emotional intelligence: an important prerequisite for any good relationship

Emotional intelligence is one of the essential skills for a good relationship. It makes it possible to get deeply involved in the intimacy of a long-term relationship in the first place. Therefore, when meeting a potential partner, pay attention to the following green flags:

3. The person can talk about their feelings: They are able to identify and address their feelings and emotions. She can also reflect on what triggers the feelings and what needs they may be associated with. The person is also capable of making themselves vulnerable and, for example, admitting weaknesses. She is also able to express her feelings for you and leave no doubt as to whether she likes you.

4. The person is empathetic: Empathy is the ability to understand another person’s feelings and to empathize with their experience. It is important for a good relationship to be able to express sincere sympathy, to validate the experience of another and to offer comfort to the partner in difficult situations.

5. The person is reflective: They show a strong ability to self-reflect on their feelings, strengths, weaknesses, fears and behavioral patterns. She is also aware of how her actions may affect others. She demonstrates a high level of personal responsibility and continually works to improve unfavorable behaviors. This includes, for example, being able to receive feedback without becoming defensive or being able to reflect on her part of the dynamic when talking about conflicts with other people.

clarity and reliability

A new person in your life should be clear about their intentions regarding your relationship and communicate this continuously. Consistent behavior without major ups and downs indicates that dating can develop into a stable, drama-free relationship. You can look out for these green flags in this regard:

6. The person invests in your contact: They respond to your messages promptly, get in touch regularly and organize dates. Your potential partner should reliably signal from the start that he/she is interested in you and wants to spend time with you. Continual investment in the relationship indicates the ability to commit and remains an important trait even in more advanced relationships.

7. The person knows what they want: Inner clarity on both sides is one of the most important criteria when dating. Whether the person is ready for a long-term relationship or looking for a short-term sexual partnership, they should communicate this openly and honestly. When in doubt, you should initiate a conversation about your intentions. This is the only way you can find out where you stand and whether it is worth investing further in the contact. Clarity in the dating context also means that the person is done with their ex-relationships.

8. The person is emotionally stable: They don’t experience sudden mood swings, but have a healthy self-confidence, a strong support network of friends and family, and take good care of themselves. You feel safe in her presence and you can rely on her to make arrangements.

Green Flag: Interdependence instead of codependency

Interdependence describes the ability to enter into binding relationships while at the same time maintaining one’s own independence. It is the healthy opposite of codependency, where partners give up their selves in a relationship in favor of attachment, making themselves overly dependent on the other person. In this regard, pay attention to the following green flags:

9. The person keeps their own life: In addition to the time you spend together, the person keeps investing in other relationships, in their interests, and in their goals. It should also encourage you to do the same.

10. The person gives time to get to know each other: They respect a reasonable speed in dating without rushing anything. For example, no one should ask you to reveal intimate, personal details about yourself on the first date—without you having had time to build trust first. Early conversations in which you take on the role of hobby therapist for the other person and their problems or love bombing should make you suspicious.

Good relationships are built on respect and kindness

Being respectful and caring towards yourself and others reveals a lot about the character of your potential partner and what it would be like to be in a relationship with him/her. The following behaviors are clear green flags:

11. The person is good-natured: They treat you and other people with mindfulness and goodwill. This includes respecting and validating your needs and boundaries without discussion. She does not gossip and speaks with respect, for example, about ex-partners.

12. You feel comfortable: You can be yourself in the person’s presence without fear of them reacting negatively to you. Your meetings feel nurturing and relaxed. You guys are just having a good time together.

Green Flags: Follow your intuition

The most important compass in dating is and remains your intuition.

When you meet them for the first time, make a mental note of your initial impression: do you like the person right away and does it feel easy to get to know them? Or do you feel subliminally tense throughout the date? Also, pay attention to how you feel after the meeting. Peaceful, clear, relaxed? Or nervous and confused? This gut feeling can give you an important clue as to the direction your relationship will take.

What is also important: love cannot be calculated. A person can theoretically be a “walking” Green Flag – but good relationships consist of more than theory. Finally, what counts as a green flag can vary from person to person. Green flags should always only serve as pointers that make getting to know each other promising.

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