How to apologize: 6 tips

Apologizing is not always easy. Do you want to make up with someone but you don’t know exactly how? With our six tips you will succeed in apologizing even in situations in which it is difficult for you.

In many everyday situations, an “excuse” comes quickly from the lips: For example, if you accidentally step on your girlfriend’s foot while going for a walk. Or when you bump into a stranger in front of the market stall.

But then there are other situations where it can be harder to apologize. Usually these are moments in which you feel ashamed of what happened and what has happened guilty conscience have. Such shameful moments can look very different:

• Perhaps you teased someone at your workplace and went too far that a long tense break suddenly interrupted your conversation.
• Maybe you talked negatively about their new partner behind the back of a friend and they heard it.
• Perhaps in a conversation you got loud and said hurtful words to defend yourself.

Why apologizing is a strength sign

In such and many other situations, an apology would be appropriate to save the relationship and return to harmony. But it is often not that easy to apologize. People don’t want to be weak when they have to admit a mistake publicly. But there are good reasons why an apology is a sign of strength.

Note: There is also the problem that people apologize too often. Women in particular are prone to this behavior, one of them study of the University of Mannheim. If you tend to apologize quickly, first reflect on yourself or with a person you trust about whether an apology is necessary at this point.

For these reasons, you can see it as a strength to apologize:

1. All people make mistakes. If you apologize, you show that you don’t see yourself as perfect, but that you know about your “quirks”. In a performance society that strives for perfection, however, it shows strength of character and courage to admit one’s own mistakes. In another article we will explain in more detail how you can Vulnerability as strength can see.
2. An apology is also a sign of empathy: When you sincerely apologize, you show the injured person that you care about them. Because you make the effort to put yourself in her shoes. The person concerned feels that you have taken their injury seriously. This can intensify your relationship.
3. Training yourself to apologize for mistakes will also make it easier for you to forgive others. You learn that both sides are part of being human.

Apologize – six ideas

We now have six ideas for you on how to apologize.

1. Get away from the situation to apologize sincerely

When there is a lot of interpersonal tension, it is important that you gain some distance from the situation. Because before you apologize, you should think about what you specifically want to apologize for. To create some distance, you can briefly do a few Breathing exercises at the desk or go for a walk. It may also be worth sleeping over it for a night.

2. Make notes in advance of what you want to say when you apologize

Take notes on how to apologize. You can prepare in six steps:

1. Think about how you can express your remorse for what happened. Sentences like: “I’m sorry that …” are very suitable for this.
2. Find out what exactly went wrong.
3. Take responsibility for what happened – no ifs or buts! Do not justify your actions, but explain the reasons for them.
4. Think about compensation to make up for what happened and offer it in conversation.
5. Prepare to ask for forgiveness.

3. Engage face-to-face with the person

If you want to apologize to someone, it is a good idea to arrange a meeting. It is best to have the meeting take place in private in a quiet place where everyone involved feels comfortable. This can be the park next to the workplace or a walk through the forest.

Tip: If you are a long distance away from the person concerned, try to arrange a video call. If that doesn’t work, you can also conduct the conversation on the phone. Note, however, that you will then lack eye contact.

4. Alternatively, write an apology letter

Sometimes conflicts remain unspoken in the air for so long that direct contact does not seem obvious. This is the case, for example, if it is your best friend from school that you have been avoiding for years. Such scenarios can also exist in families. If you want to apologize after years of silence, grab your pen and paper and write a personal letter. Apologizing in this way has several advantages: On the one hand, when you write, you consciously reflect on what you want to say, on the other hand, this apology letter will give the sender a little surprise. Last but not least, letters also express great appreciation.

Tip: Of course, you can also send your apology by email or by message if you don’t like writing letters. Note, however, that they can seem more impersonal.

5. Think about how you can make amends for the situation

If material things are broken through your fault, you should take responsibility and see how you can replace them. If, on the other hand, you have hurt someone with words, the suffering that has arisen is not so easy to replace. Think about how you can support the person or how you can make them happy. This can be done through a gesture like flowers.

6. Connect the apology with a symbol

In some cases it can be helpful to attach a symbol to the apology. This can be a handshake or a tight hug, for example. Lighting a candle together in a religious place or symbolically throwing stones into a river can also help you to apologize and let go of your feelings of guilt.

Note: However, always be aware that all you can do is ask an apology from another person. This is what the doctor and lawyer Dr. Dr. Rainer Erlinger in an interview with the SZ magazine. This subtlety is particularly evident in the word meaning of apologizing Duden presents: “someone because of wrong behavior or the like. ask for understanding, forbearance, forgiveness ”.

Find the courage to apologize

You may be unsure of what your apology will do and therefore hesitate. But many people feel better after they have apologized. You can make inner peace with what has happened and let go of the situation. Also, in most cases, the person concerned will appreciate your initiative and courage. Think about how you would take it if someone came up to you to apologize.

Note: Nevertheless, depending on the severity of the injury, the person may not be able to forgive you and still need time. Don’t rush the person, just give them the necessary time. Because not only you are responsible for a reconciliation, but also your counterpart – both sides are needed.

Read more on Techzle.com:

• Resolving Conflicts: How to Handle Conflicts Correctly
• Ending friendship: this is how you stay fair
• Joie de vivre: How to learn to enjoy your life