Breadcrumbing: 8 signs that you can be manipulated

Breadcrumbing is, like ghosting and gaslighting, another trend term from English – and potentially hurtful manipulation tactics. You can find out how you can see Breadcrumbing and how you can protect yourself here.

Relationships are often guided through digital communication today – a new form of emotional manipulation has also developed. For many, online dating is now a matter of course for getting to know each other. But as someone says it is often difficult to assess – this person may do so -called Breadcrumbing with you. This difficult to recognize tactics can occur not only in romantic relationships, but also in friendships.

We have summarized exactly what is behind why people behave in such a way, what signs there are and how you can handle it.

What is Breadcrumbing?

The term breadcrumbing comes from the English word “Breadcrumbs”, ie bread crumbs. The expression is based on the fairy tale of Hansel and Gretel, who laid a trace of bread crumbs to find the way back. In the figurative sense, Breadcrumbing means something like “lead someone around” or “distribute traces”. It describes behavior that often occurs in online dating, but can also occur in other interpersonal contexts.

The clinical psychologist Gemma Harris explains that a person gives so much attention or affection to the other person in the opposite that he or she remains interested. However, this is not sufficient that the other person can feel safe and reinforced with the ratio. It is important that the: Breadcrumber: there is no need to take further and serious steps – he: She is only happy about the attention.

The sex therapist Chamin Ajjan also says: Anyone who runs Breadcrumbing gives the other person a feeling of what a real connection or relationship could look like – and then leaves them with a “hunger for more”.

The psychologist Harris reports that everyone: r is susceptible to Breadcrumber: inside. However, people with a lot of empathy, low self -esteem, fear of attachment or an insecure binding style could be more susceptible to this than others. A study also found out that people who experience Breadcrumbing feel dissatisfied with their lives, as well as lonely and helpless.

That is why people operate Breadcrumbing

In addition to the typical features of Breadcrumbing, it is also interesting why people behave in this way. The reasons for this can be varied and influenced by different personal factors.

Behind the behavior is often a deep uncertainty or the fear of real closeness and commitment. People who operate breakcrumbing often want to keep control of a relationship without binding emotionally too much. They determine the direction and intensity of the interaction, enjoy the attention and feeling of confirmation – without having to take responsibility for a serious connection.

Psychologist Harris also emphasizes that low self -esteem can play a role. In addition, an unsafe binding style can favor behavior. According to Harris, people with an avoiding or disorganized binding style tend to do Breadcrumbing. In such people, however, it is often not manipulative, but rather unintentional. They often do it as a form of self -protection when closeness and affection get too much for them and make them vulnerable.

In addition, people who are emotionally not available due to mental illnesses or stress can also be susceptible to operate Breadcrumbing. Because you can feel more powerful. The sex therapist Ajjan explains that loneliness and uncertainty can also lead to Breadcrumbing.

8 signs of Breadcrumbing

If you are wondering whether you have ever experienced Breadcrumbing yourself, we have summarized eight signs of Breadcrumbing for you here:

1. The person flirts a lot with you, but never asks you for a date or ignores it if you ask about it.
2. For example, the person comments on contributions or photos of you on social media, but ignores your comments or messages.
3. There may be no right conversations. The person mainly communicates with gifs or memes.
4. The person always makes promises for meetings or dates, but ultimately they never come about.
5. Communication with the person is not constant. This means that the person sometimes does not report for days or even weeks and then suddenly sends messages again – without an explanation for their absence.
6. The conversations with the person remain very superficial and it doesn’t really seem to be interested in you.
7. As soon as you show less interest, your counterpart starts showing much more interest.
8. The person may only show physical interest in you.

Breadcrumbing in friendships

Breadcrumbing can also appear in friendships. The other person only shows occasional interest without really investing in the relationship. For example, she only reports if she needs something or suggests meetings that ultimately never take place. Such “friends” use the connection to their own advantage – real interest in deep and equivalent friendship is often missing. You can find out more about toxic friendships in this article: toxic friendship: 8 hints and how you recognize them

You can do that against Breadcrumbing

If you have experienced Breadcrumbing or want to avoid it for the future, we have a few advice for you here:

1. Be aware of the typical Breadcrumbing behavior above and recognize them.

2. Strengthen your self -esteem and your resilience. Be aware of your limits and demands. If your counterpart does not respect or exceed this, do not get involved.

3. Be aware that you deserve to be treated well. Do not accept if a person doesn’t treat you like this.
4. Recognize when you keep encountering the same problems with one person.

5. Communicate openly with the person about your intentions and see how your counterpart reacts. For example, try giraffe language or non -violent communication.

6. Speak your counterpart if you feel unfairly treated or have the feeling that the person wants to blame you for their behavior. Watch how the person reacts.
7. Do not make yourself dependent on one person who runs Breadcrumbing. Instead, strengthen your other social contacts and keep your leisure activities. If you notice that you cannot build trust over time, you can loosen from this person.
8. Be aware of what you want and think about whether you really want the whole thing if your counterpart wants something else.

Revised by Melanie Grünauer

Read more on utopia.de:

• Passive-aggressive behavior: recognize and deal with it
• What is Gaslighting? 8 signs and how you handle it
• Green dating: When climate protection becomes a flirt factor

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