Breadcrumbing: 8 signs you’re being manipulated

Similar to ghosting and gaslighting, breadcrumbing is another trending English term—and a potentially hurtful manipulation tactic. Here you can find out how to recognize breadcrumbing and how you can protect yourself.

Online dating is now mostly part of when you want to get to know someone. However, it is not easy to gauge how serious the other person is. It is possible that this person is breadcrumbing you.

We’ve summarized for you exactly what it is, why people do it and signs and tips to avoid it.

This is breadcrumbing

The word breadcrumbing originally comes from the English “breadcrumbs”, meaning bread crumbs. The term is based on the fairy tale of Hansel and Gretel, who used a trail of breadcrumbs to leave a trail. In practical terms, breadcrumbing means something like “leading someone by the nose” or “distributing tracks”. It’s a phenomenon that mostly occurs in online dating, but can also occur outside of it.

Clinical psychologist Gemma Harris explains that when a person is breadcrumbing, they are giving the other person enough attention or affection to keep him or her interested. However, this is not enough for the other person to feel safe and empowered with the relationship. The important thing is that the breadcrumber has no need to take further and serious steps – he:she is just happy about the attention.

Sex therapist Chamin Ajjan also says: Breadcrumbing gives the other person a sense of what a real connection or relationship could look like – but then leaves them “hungering for more”.

Psychologist Harris reports that everyone is vulnerable to breadcrumbs to some degree. However, people with a lot of empathy, low self-esteem, fear of attachment or an insecure attachment style could be more susceptible than others. A study also found that people who experience breadcrumbing are more likely to feel dissatisfied with their lives, as well as lonely and helpless.

That’s why people breadcrumb

Besides the characteristics of breadcrumbing, it is also interesting to know why people breadcrumb. There are different reasons why a person does this and several things can influence this.

Harris also comments on this. She says that a person’s low self-esteem can be a factor in why he:she breadcrumbs. Because it can give a person a sense of power and control.

An insecure attachment style can also contribute to this. Harris says that people who have an avoidant or disorganized attachment style are more prone to breadcrumbing. With such people, however, it is often not manipulative, but rather unintentional. They often do it as a form of self-protection when closeness and affection become too much and make them vulnerable.

Additionally, people who are emotionally unavailable due to mental illness or stress may also be prone to breadcrumbing. Because it can make them feel more powerful. Sex therapist Ajjan explains that loneliness and insecurity can also lead to breadcrumbing.

8 signs of breadcrumbing

If you are now wondering whether you have ever experienced breadcrumbing yourself, we have summarized eight signs of breadcrumbing for you here:

1. The person flirts with you a lot, but never asks you out or ignores you when you ask.
2. For example, the person comments on your posts or photos on social media, but ignores your comments or messages.
3. There may not be any real conversations. The person mainly communicates using gifs or memes.
4. The person keeps making you promises to meet up or date, but ultimately they never materialize.
5. Communication with the person is not constant. That is, the person sometimes doesn’t answer for days or even weeks and then suddenly sends messages again – without an explanation for their absence.
6. Conversations with the person remain very superficial and they don’t seem to really care about you.
7. As soon as you show less interest, the other person suddenly starts to show a lot more interest.
8. The person may only show physical interest in you.

Here’s what you can do to prevent breadcrumbing

If you have experienced breadcrumbing or want to avoid it in the future, here are some tips for you:

1. Be aware of and recognize the typical breadcrumbing behaviors mentioned above.

2. Boost your self-esteem and resilience. Be aware of your limits and demands. If the other person doesn’t respect them or exceed them, don’t get involved.

3. Know that you deserve to be treated well. Don’t accept when a person doesn’t treat you that way.
4. Recognize when you keep encountering the same problems with a person.

5. Communicate openly with the person about your intentions and see how the other person reacts. For example, try giraffe language or nonviolent communication.

6. Speak up to the other person if you feel you have been treated unfairly or if the person wants to blame you for their behavior. Observe how the person reacts.
7. Don’t become dependent on a person who does breadcrumbing. Instead, strengthen your other social contacts and keep up your leisure activities. If you find that you can’t build trust over time, break away from that person.
8. Be aware of what you want and think about whether you really want it when the other person wants something different.

Read more on Techzle.com:

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• What is gas lighting? 8 signs and how to deal with them
• Green Dating: When climate protection becomes a flirt factor