How emotionally intelligent a person is can be seen primarily in how they communicate. A psychologist has identified typical sentences that indicate inner security. Here you can find out what they reveal about dealing with feelings.
Emotionally intelligent people have learned to express their feelings, desires and concerns concretely. This helps others to understand them better, because emotions serve as people’s inner compass: They help to orientate themselves, to sense expectations and needs and to formulate them clearly.
Anyone who has learned as a child not to show or name fear, anger or their own limits can experience an inner separation in the long term. You then feel, but cannot grasp the feelings and, in the long term, lose access to your own emotional intelligence. Studies show: If feelings are permanently suppressed or hidden, over time it becomes more difficult to even notice them – let alone deal with them appropriately. This affects not only your own inner world, but also your understanding of the feelings of others.
On the other hand, according to Harvard University-trained psychologist Dr. Cortney S. Warren navigates the world confidently and confidently. Emotionally intelligent people are not afraid to be vulnerable and do not seek external validation. This helps them resolve conflicts more quickly and maintain their own boundaries.
In an article for CNBC, Warren describes nine typical phrases that, in her experience, indicate emotional stability and inner security. They are intended to illustrate how a conscious and reflective approach to feelings can manifest itself in everyday life. The psychologist did not define these nine sentences as part of a study, but derived them from her experience and psychological research on emotional stability.
Emotional intelligence has many faces
Emotional intelligence is not a fixed trait that can be recognized by certain sentences. It manifests itself in a variety of, often subtle, reactions and attitudes. Even if you don’t use the following specific statements, you can still act emotionally intelligently. Nevertheless, the nine sentences formulated by the psychologist can serve as a helpful guideline and give you a feeling as to whether you are already on the right path.
“I need a moment to think before I answer.”
There doesn’t always have to be an immediate answer. Emotionally intelligent people take time to organize their thoughts and do not react hastily or impulsively. Instead, they choose their words consciously and thus contribute to a respectful and constructive exchange.
Similar formulations:
- “I’m very frustrated right now and need some time to myself. I don’t want to say anything that I might regret later.”
- “I don’t have an answer to that right now. Can we continue this conversation tomorrow?”
“No.”
Admittedly, a single word does not make a sentence. Still, according to Warren, the word “no” is essential for emotionally intelligent people. They have no problem setting boundaries and know exactly what they want to do and what they don’t want to do based on their own moral principles, needs and desires. This includes rejecting something if it does not fit your own needs, values or capacities.
Similar formulations:
- “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you with that because I have too many other commitments.”
- “Thanks for the offer, but I don’t enjoy it.”
“I don’t feel comfortable with it.”
What is meant is the ability to clearly identify discomfort. Emotionally stable people speak up when something doesn’t suit them and formulate their needs respectfully without downplaying or ignoring them.
When your boundaries are exceeded, it’s important not to just accept it. Communicating clearly when something is wrong or seems disrespectful can help protect yourself and change situations.
Similar formulations:
- “When you say something like that, I feel hurt and angry.”
- “If you treat me like that, I’ll back away because it’s not good for me.”
“I am proud of who and how I am.”
According to Warren, the sentence represents a stable self-image. Emotionally secure people are consistent in their demeanor and do not have to constantly conform to others in order to be recognized. Healthy pride (as opposed to narcissism) is closely related to high self-esteem.
An extensive analysis of over 2,000 studies shows that self-esteem is closely linked to health and well-being. Those who have a positive image of themselves are often more resilient and experience more psychological stability overall.
Similar formulations:
- “What you see is what you get.”
- “You may not like that about me, but that’s okay with me.”
“Am I like that too?”
Criticism can be unpleasant. Emotionally stable people still deal with it openly: they listen, take feedback seriously and see what they can learn from it instead of immediately becoming defensive.
Don’t you know how to deal with criticism? This article might help you: Critical Ability: How to learn to accept criticism.
Similar formulations:
- “I didn’t realize I did this so often. Thanks for pointing it out to me.”
- “Wow, I think I actually say that line quite often.”
“I’ll work on it.”
In close relationships, emotionally stable people show a willingness to develop further. They reflect on their behavior and adapt it if it is good for the relationship. Because real change comes not only through insight, but above all through concrete action. Those who work on themselves not only strengthen themselves, but also interpersonal connections.
This article shows how personality development can be successful in everyday life: Personality development: How you can develop further.
Similar formulations:
- “I understand that this is important to you. That’s why I’m going to work on being more empathetic when talking to you.”
- “I’m not particularly patient. I’ll work on being less pushy.”
“I’m sorry you’re having trouble. How can I help you?”
Emotionally intelligent people are characterized by a non-judgmental approach to other people. Thanks to their empathetic and non-judgmental nature in relationships, they are excellent supporters. They also understand that someone else’s bad day says nothing about themselves.
Similar formulations:
- “You look upset and I’d like to help you.”
- “I see this is difficult for you, but you have my support.”
“That’s important to me.”
A clear system of values provides orientation and can convey a feeling of inner security. It helps to make decisions and stand up for what is perceived as right and fair, even if it is not always comfortable.
Similar formulations:
- “I really care about this, even if you don’t care.”
- “I don’t think you’re acting ethically, and I can’t stand by without standing up for what I believe is human.”
“I’ll try it!”
Emotionally stable people have a strong feeling of inner security, similar to basic trust. It gives them the confidence that a lot of things will fall into place, even if something doesn’t work right away. This is exactly what makes it easier to try new things, for example starting a hobby, making new friends, traveling or finding your own way of dealing with challenges.
Similar formulations:
- “I’ll try that next time.”
- “I may not be very good at it, but I’m willing to try!”
Read more on Techzle\.com:
- Toxic Positivity: When it’s too much of a good thing
- Mental strength: This is how you can train it
- Halo effect: How does it affect our judgment?
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