Self-esteem: This is how you can strengthen it

Strengthening your self-esteem is an important step towards building more self-confidence and going through life more uprightly and mindfully. We give you tips for this.

Self-esteem and a fulfilling life go hand in hand. Respecting yourself is part of strong self-esteem and therefore the basis for making decisions and acting in ways that support your well-being.

But how can you respect yourself more? In this article we will explain to you what self-esteem actually means and give you concrete tips that you can use to strengthen your own self-esteem.

Important: If you feel like you’re not getting anywhere with the exercises alone, it can be helpful to seek psychotherapeutic support to cultivate more self-esteem.

Why is self-esteem so difficult for us?

In many areas of our society, it is primarily about services provided. So we have to get the best possible grades at school and university and work as much as possible in as short a time as possible in many jobs.

That’s why we often tend to make our self-esteem dependent on numbers and performance. We tell ourselves that we can only appreciate ourselves once we have achieved a certain goal. The problem is that afterwards there is usually another goal that needs to be achieved. So we end up trapped in a hamster wheel, always trying to move forward, becoming better and more efficient.

This has little to do with self-esteem, because it is not dependent on achievements and numbers. Self-respect means that you respect the person you are. And you don’t have to “create” anything, you just have to be you.

That sounds simple, but it is often more difficult than expected. Therefore, be aware that there is no one-size-fits-all recipe or crash course for self-esteem. Self-esteem does not happen overnight, but is a process that accompanies us throughout our lives, that we constantly work on and in which we always have to face setbacks.

That’s not how self-esteem works

First of all, you should consider what factors your self-esteem does not depend on. These include, for example:

• Grades, degrees, certificates
• your monthly salary and the amount in your bank account
• your weekly working hours
• the number on the scale
• Likes, comments and follower numbers on social media
• the number of your friends
• the clothes you wear
• Countries you have already visited

You can continue this list with all the things that basically have nothing to do with your personality and that we still often use to define ourselves and compare ourselves with other people. All these superficial aspects play no role at all in your self-esteem.

So write your own list of all the things you use to define yourself and honestly think about which factors actually affect you as a person and which ultimately only affect your facade. Cross out all aspects that you can assign to the latter with a thick pen.

Get to know yourself

In order to strengthen your self-esteem, it is essential to get to know your own personality better. Who are you apart from all the things you just crossed out?

What are your dreams, fears, strengths and weaknesses?

Most of the time we know ourselves so poorly that we are unable to fully answer these questions. This is because in the hustle and bustle of everyday life we ​​completely lose sight of observing ourselves and listening to ourselves. But only when you know yourself well and are aware of your personality can you begin to accept, respect and value it.

A good basis for thinking more about your character are theories about personality types. These offer you various clues that you can use to better describe your own personality. You don’t necessarily have to classify yourself into a category or get a specific result.

It is enough that you start to think more deeply about certain questions and observe more carefully how you react to certain situations and what feelings and thoughts arise.

Practice acceptance

As you begin to think more about yourself and your personality, you should approach your weaknesses with acceptance rather than shame or frustration. Remember that for every person there are things that are naturally easier or more difficult for them. And everyone struggles with fears and knows the feeling of wishing in hindsight that they had reacted differently to a situation.

Therefore, practice acceptance. Accept your strengths, but also your weaknesses. Accept all aspects of your personality as non-judgmentally as possible. A good way to train your acceptance of yourself is meditation.

• There are many different types of meditations. In the most common forms, you concentrate on noticing your body, your surroundings and, above all, your breath.
• You simply observe how your breath comes and goes.
• It usually happens automatically that your thoughts wander from time to time. As soon as you notice this, simply accept the thought as it is and gently bring the focus back to the breath.
• If you have never meditated before, a guided meditation is recommended to start with. You can get more information about this here: The benefits of guided meditation

Self-esteem through positive affirmations

Another method you can use to promote acceptance and self-esteem are so-called positive affirmations. These are deliberately positively worded sentences that you say out loud to yourself every day.

Often they relate to goals you want to achieve. The idea behind it is that simply by reciting the beliefs, you believe more and more that you will achieve this goal and are therefore able to mobilize much more strength.

This principle can also be applied to self-esteem. In this case too, you can consciously direct your thoughts in a certain direction by formulating your goals in positive statements and reciting them to yourself every day.

For example, you can do this immediately after getting up to start the day with the right energy. The sentences are particularly effective when you say them in front of the mirror and look yourself in the eyes.

Some possible beliefs include:

• I value and respect my personality with all my strengths and weaknesses.
• It’s good to be who I am.
• I pay attention to my thinking and consciously choose healthy thoughts.
• I am worthy of the path I have taken.
• I am free to love and enjoy life.
• I am enough.
• I’m happy to be myself.
• I am at peace with myself and with life.

Do you respect your fellow human beings?

Last but not least, you should also observe the way in which you meet other people. Because the way we evaluate other people we often also apply to ourselves. If you tend to judge others quickly, you probably show little tolerance towards yourself.

However, if you treat those around you with acceptance, patience and forbearance, you are more likely to treat yourself in the same way. So stop when you find yourself thinking badly about someone. Then ask yourself whether these thoughts are valid and whether they will help you move forward in this moment. If this is not the case, then push it aside and consciously direct your focus to other things.

Read more on Techzle\.com:

• Learning self-love: tips and exercises for the beloved self
• Resilience: This is how you train your mental resilience
• Perfectionism – this way high standards don’t become a problem

Edited by Paula Boslau

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