Parenting myths seem logical and intuitive – but are often wrong and can negatively impact children’s development. We explain what science says about three common myths.
“You’re spoiling your child.” – “Children need clear instructions.” – “A slap never hurt anyone.” Many parents know sentences like this. Some come from your own parents or grandparents, others from advice books or social media.
The problem: A lot of this advice sounds logical, but it’s not generally true. A current study by Psychology Today with more than 4,200 parents from German-speaking countries shows how many such parenting myths are still widespread.
Myth 1: “If I soothe my baby every time, I’m spoiling him.”
The Truth: Babies can’t intentionally “pamper” themselves. When they cry, they are signaling a need. You are hungry, tired, need closeness or feel uncomfortable. Responding to these signals is a normal part of the early relationship between parent and child.
This doesn’t mean that parents have to do everything right every time they cry. That’s impossible anyway. What is more important is that a child fundamentally experiences their caregiver as reliable.
The claim that a lot of closeness makes children dependent later on is also not enough. A secure relationship and independence are not opposites; on the contrary, the former is often the basis for the latter.
Myth 2: “Children need hard boundaries, otherwise they’ll dance around in your face.”
Children need boundaries. They cannot yet make all the decisions themselves and need adults to give them guidance. But setting boundaries and being strict are not the same thing.
The study on parenting myths by Psychology Today also comes to this conclusion. Developmental psychologist Tobias Schuwerk explains that children need both warmth and structure. The idea that you have to be particularly tough is just as one-sided as the claim that needs-oriented parenting means that you shouldn’t set any limits for children.
3. Myth: “A lot of praise makes children strong or arrogant.”
Praise is not automatically good or bad – what matters is what a child is being praised for. A constant “You’re so smart!” can even backfire. Studies show that children who are praised primarily for their abilities are more likely to interpret failure as a sign that something doesn’t suit them. This can lead to them being more likely to avoid difficult tasks.
It is more helpful to notice concrete efforts, strategies and progress: “You worked on this for a long time” or “You tried a different solution.” Such so-called process praise is associated with an attitude in which skills can be developed and improved. At least one study has shown that children who received a lot of process praise in infancy develop years later (often studied in elementary school) the belief that abilities and intelligence can be changed through practice, work and perseverance.
It is crucial that praise does not become the child’s only source of self-esteem and does not convey: “You are only good when you do something particularly well.” Genuine interest, concrete feedback and recognition of learning processes are more likely to help children understand successes and mistakes as part of their development.
Breaking through old parenting myths
Children are different. Parents are different. And scientific findings cannot always be translated into simple educational principles.
What can definitely be deduced from the research is that children need reliable relationships, care and orientation. Boundaries also work without harshness.
So if you’re unsure about the next parenting advice, you can ask yourself: Where does this statement actually come from – and what does research say about it?
In this way, old beliefs can be broken and are not passed on to the next generation. You may be familiar with the parenting trend on social media: Parents tell their children the first half of a well-known saying and the child is supposed to complete the statement. Instead of the often not entirely non-violent “correct” answers, the children often give healthier answers that they have invented themselves.
This trend is intended, among other things, to show how much education has changed in the last few generations towards a more non-violent approach. For example: “As long as you live under my roof, …”, “… I’ll feed you,” or: “If you don’t want to listen,” “… you’ll have to explain it differently.”
Read more on Techzle\.com:
- Breaking off contact with parents: Why children decide to do this
- Keep children busy: 10 play and learning ideas for at home
- What strengthens children when parents are mentally ill?
Independent journalism needs people who stand behind it – including in Google searches. Now send a signal for more sustainability and → Save Utopia as a preferred source.
** marked with ** or orange underlined Links to sources of supply are partly partner links: If you buy here, you are actively supporting Techzle\.com, because we then receive a small part of the sales proceeds. More info.