Those who apply basic communication rules can have good relationships in the professional and private spheres. We will explain to you what you should definitely bear in mind when talking to others.
With these five communication rules, you can have good conversations – both in professional and private situations. Note that not only your words or those of your counterpart are important. You should also not underestimate non-verbal communication, i.e. facial expressions and gestures, in conversations.
1st rule of communication: listen carefully
The most important communication rule in order to understand your counterpart and to be able to correctly classify what has been said is to listen attentively. Make sure not to interrupt your conversation partner and to avoid disruptive factors such as a ringing mobile phone.
Through your body language you can signal to the other person that you are following his or her words carefully. This works, for example, through eye contact, occasional nodding, a facing attitude or through affirmative statements. This applies to conversations with bosses and work colleagues as well as with friends or with your partner.
2. Ask questions
According to the Freiburg University Hospital, asking questions is also an important communication rule. It is worth repeating what your conversation partner said in your own words or briefly summarizing it. You can then use specific questions, such as “What did you mean by that?” or “Did I understand that correctly?”, to find out whether the statements made by the person you spoke to were understood by you as they were intended. Your conversation partner then either agrees with you or corrects you. This will give you a common ground for your conversation.
If, for example, you receive feedback from your employer about your working methods in the professional area, you can find out by asking specific questions whether you have understood what you can do differently in the future in order to work more effectively or the wishes of customers even better to fulfill.
In the private sphere, specific questions can be helpful, for example, to show interest in the other person. For example, if a friend of yours starts taking a dance class, you can find out by asking them where, with whom, and what motivated them to start. You can get to know your friend better this way and more talking points will emerge.
3rd communication rule: appreciation and empathy
(Photo: CC0 / Pixabay / MabelAmber)
The third communication rule is also important for a good conversation: Express your appreciation for the person you are talking to and at the same time react empathetically to what is said. According to the psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg, empathy and appreciation are relevant components of nonviolent communication.
You can convey appreciation not only by listening attentively, but also by expressing your understanding (for example: “I understand you” or “I can understand that that must have been very difficult for you”). However, you should not only empathize with the feelings of the other person, but also consciously perceive your own feelings and emotions.
Especially in conflict situations with friends or family members, it can be helpful if you express your own feelings, for example “This behavior hurt me a lot”. At the same time, it is important to show your counterpart that you can put yourself in his/her situation. You can convey this by saying, for example: “I understand that my reaction made you sad and I’m sorry.” Such an appreciative and empathetic conversation allows you to resolve conflicts non-violently.
If you, as an employer, boss or team leader, notice that someone is working less effectively than usual or seems consistently stressed, you need to be sensitive. Find out what is currently moving her:him privately. Often, private events such as a death in the family or conflicts in the partnership can also have a negative impact on work performance. You can show understanding for this situation by letting the person work only what is necessary or by allowing him/her to start work a little later or finish it earlier.
4. Send I-messages
According to the Institute for Vocational Training (IBB), another communication rule is to send I-messages. For example, you can say “I don’t feel understood” or “I would like to ask you to be on time next time”.
This allows you to express your thoughts without the other person feeling personally attacked. In this way you open up and make yourself approachable. You also give your interlocutor the chance to better empathize with your situation.
5th rule of communication: desires and needs
According to the psychologist Lina Malessa, only those who know their own wishes and needs and can express them clearly contribute to successful communication. This applies to both the professional and the private sector. This is a way to determine if you both have the same expectations and ideas or if they differ. This knowledge is an important basis for a successful conversation.
Especially in relationships it is incredibly important that you can clearly convey your wishes and needs to your partner. After all, two parties with different ideas and expectations often meet. For example, if you wish you could spend more quality time with your partner, you should state it directly. This is the only way you have the chance to find compromises together that will make you both happy.
In the professional field, too, it is helpful to know and express your own wishes and needs. For example, if you notice that another department within the company should better suit your strengths and preferences, it is worth talking openly to your manager in a conversation and looking for a solution.
Read more on Techzle.com:
- Four-ears model: communication square for more understanding communication
- Conflict management: How to deal with conflicts at work
- Build trust: This is how you strengthen your relationship