In 2023, a press release about the renewed VW Touareg is something like the resurrection of the mammoth. While the Koreans strike one inspired blow after another, they still see bread at VW in patching up old cows.
Some things are being renovated from head to butt and a new generation of LED light is on the way. I read something about a roof load sensor that communicates with the undercarriage electronics about the roof load and the associated control margins. Since De Speld you don’t trust anyone anymore, but it’s probably true. Because innovation never stops, the upgrade gets a red illuminated VW logo in the boot lid. He never quite fell well on the retina. Naming a VW from snow-white Wolfsburg after African desert nomads was also something I thought, although it was a homage to their art of survival on unpaved terrain.
But his real problem is existence. The Touareg is one of those models that makes you wonder; why are you here? There are more of those cars without appeal that never had it in them to become anyone’s childhood dream. They’re not necessarily junk, it’s more that they don’t excel at any point. Not extraordinarily attractive, not terribly good, not impossibly frugal or surprisingly roomy. They’re just about there. Quite a few contemporary Citroëns illustrate their identity problem, because that’s what it is, with sought-after references to the brand’s avant-garde past. What a hell it will be to have to run the marketing there. You can only market that brand with empty slogans; there are simply no more arguments. Other born wallflowers were and are the BMW Active Tourers or the Renault Koleos. The retro Fiat Spider with that barely disguised Mazda interior due to a lack of money made me immeasurably sad, while the car drove quite well, but then again mainly because it was actually a Mazda MX-5. I fear that the new Alfa Romeo Tonale has what it takes to become yet another knight of the sad figure.
The Touareg is the premium variation on that just-not-theme. Anyone who buys such a thick SUV wants to play the hunk. Why a Touareg, if you can buy something more prestigious with four rings or a Porsche Cayenne for the same money? Because with such a neutral chained VW you want to avoid the reputational damage that you risk with a Porsche? Come on. An SUV man in this price segment doesn’t care about the bleating of the outside world.
When I see a Touareg driving, an immeasurable sadness overtakes me. Often, because no one buys a new one, it’s an older one that you hear passing by on the street with the slipping and creaking sounds that you probably estimate fairly accurately at at least €15,000 in maintenance. There you feel the aura of tragedy, as experts know, that elderly Mercedes also carry with them en masse. Then you know: there someone has bought his financial ruin for next to nothing. He has been much more than a wrong guess. The Touareg symbolizes all the cars of ordinary people who thought they could successfully live beyond their means. He teaches you why as a manufacturer you must have your priorities in order. He is the drama of the wrong turn, the wrong guess.
On the German used car site of Volkswagen, where I always hope to find a beautiful unspoiled Golf IV V6 or 1.9 TDI with the three red letters, I see a Touareg with still 280,000 kilometers, three owners behind it. Engine damage, for only €2,990. Everything about the photos makes you cry. Black rims with scraped edges. The rusted towbar. The scratched underside of the door panels. The somewhat worn driver’s seat in once premium cognac leather. On the same site I once saw two sagging Phaetons, both with a spring problem. The photos gave me a heart attack. Heaven save the handyman who falls for it.
Coincidentally I just bumped into a happy Touareg man. His had run 220,000 miles and not a penny of pain. You also have such lucky birds. Those are the bacon buyers and they are as rare as a polar bear in the tropics.
– Thanks for information from Autoweek.nl