Flying Monkeys: How to protect yourself from the manipulative henchmen

Flying Monkeys are people used by narcissists to achieve their egocentric agendas. Here you can find out how you can protect yourself from becoming a Flying Monkey yourself and how you can recognize others.

You may know flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz. In the story, the Wicked Witch uses her monkeys to make life difficult for her rivals. They do the dirty work, so to speak, while the witch pulls the strings. For this reason, the term Flying Monkeys is now also a psychological term that describes the henchmen of narcissistic people.

People often get into this position unconsciously. Finally, narcissists typically use manipulative methods to incorporate fellow human beings into their plans. Anyone who is in the environment of a narcissistic person, such as family members, employees or (supposed) friends, can become Flying Monkeys.

This is why narcissists need their Flying Monkeys

Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized primarily by a strong urge to be admired. In addition, through self-centeredness, narcissists often willfully ignore and violate the needs and boundaries of others, thereby engaging in emotional abuse. They depend on their Flying Monkeys for various reasons:

• Flying Monkeys give a narcissistic person the attention and admiration they are looking for. After all, narcissists are often very insecure people who need constant validation.
• Due to a great deal of insecurity, narcissists usually do not want to be associated with emotional abuse themselves. Eventually, many people would turn away from them. Then Flying Monkeys come in handy as deputies, who take over the manipulative work. For example, if your ex-boyfriend exhibits narcissistic traits, you may feel his/her friends turn against you more post-breakup, insult you, or write you hateful messages. These Flying Monkeys enable your:your ex-partner:in to bully you without appearing in person.
• Narcissists shy away from direct confrontation and goal-oriented conflict resolution. Because they would have to admit their own mistakes. This contradicts their need for recognition. So if you accuse a narcissistic person of manipulation or emotional abuse, they can always throw in their flying monkeys and assert their innocence.
• Narcissists seek power, success, and control. The Flying Monkeys allow them to satisfy this need for control. After all, the narcissistic person stands above what is happening and only pulls the strings in the background.

Note: The description of narcissists often resembles the profiles of fictional villains. But as I said, narcissistic people often suffer from immense insecurity. This can be due to various causes (including past trauma or a lonely childhood). Of course, this is not an excuse for emotional abuse, but it may better explain why. After all, narcissists are not born villains, but can change their behavior in part through successful therapy. The narcissism cannot then be cured, but it can be mitigated to such an extent that it no longer poses an obstacle for those affected and those around them.

Why people become Flying Monkeys

There can be various reasons why people become Flying Monkeys. They often show narcissistic traits themselves. For example, they rely heavily on admiration themselves, have little empathy and the need to belittle other people. However, there are other reasons:

• Some Flying Monkeys feel so threatened by narcissistic personalities that they prefer to form alliances with them. This is primarily to avoid getting caught in the line of fire and to protect yourself from aggressive behavior.
• If you’ve experienced emotional abuse from a narcissistic person for a long time, you may already have become heavily dependent. Then you find it difficult to make decisions for yourself. You are used to conforming to the narcissist’s rules and directives. Leaving your role as Flying Monkey then requires a lot of strength and (psychological) support.
• Some people also become Flying Monkeys because they are drawn to drama. They can constantly fulfill this need together with a narcissistic person.

This is how you can protect yourself

To protect yourself from Flying Monkeys and their manipulation techniques, the following tips can help you:

• Knowledge is power! Find out more about the characteristics and manipulative strategies of narcissistic people. Often these also use their henchmen. Only with enough information can you recognize the everyday manipulations and unmask them as such. These strategies include, for example gas lighting. With gaslighting, narcissists and flying monkeys try to unsettle you. They consciously and repeatedly confront you with false statements that portray you as the perpetrator. This can lead to you eventually believing this yourself and losing your own intuition and judgment.
• For example, if you encounter the Flying Monkeys of a narcissistic person after a breakup or the end of a friendship, reveal as little about yourself as possible. Any information you give out, Flying Monkeys will pass on to narcissists.
• If possible, avoid the flying monkeys of a narcissistic person. To stop receiving manipulative messages, you can block people on your social media channels and messenger services.
• If you notice that people are deliberately trying to unsettle you with gaslighting, keep the facts in mind over and over again. It can also help to ask close friends or family members for their opinion.
• Surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are, believe in you and show you appreciation.

How not to become a Flying Monkey yourself.

If you find yourself in the role of a Flying Monkey or have suspicions, you should seek psychological help. Therapy can help you see through a narcissistic person’s manipulative strategies and come back to yourself.

The following tips can help you to save yourself from this role. However, they do not replace therapy in an emergency:

• Deal with your own actions and feelings. what are you feeling right now And why? And why do you want to perform a certain action? Is it because another person put you up to it? You can recognize such manipulative behavior by analyzing the person’s speech. Is someone close to you trying to turn you against another person through strong emotional and dramatic expressions, exaggeration, and reference to stereotypes? Then this could be an indication that the person wants to win you as a Flying Monkey.
• Question your own self-esteem! If you feel that you are constantly dependent on the actions and words of others, don’t trust your own judgment, and do whatever it takes to feel a sense of belonging, you are particularly at risk for the Flying Monkey position. In this case, it only helps to work on your self-esteem. Family and very close friends may also be able to help you with this. However, psychological help may still be necessary.

• Again, learn about the signs and characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder. In order to “recruit” you as a Flying Monkey, narcissists may prefer to use love bombing a. In love bombing, a person tries to make you dependent on you through strong and constant expressions of love and affection and to isolate you from your own social environment.
• How do you deal with other people? Do you often take your frustration and aggression out on them? Do you feel better after yelling or insulting someone for no reason? Even then, you should carefully reflect on your feelings and actions. Because this tendency also makes you a popular target for narcissists.
• Depending on who you are dealing with, you can confront narcissists directly about their wrongdoing. However, if you feel threatened by them, you should get help or, if possible, deliberately avoid the person in question.

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