A friend is withdrawing and seems depressed? How to approach someone sensitively about it – and why the dreaded moment of silence can actually help in such conversations.
“Would you like me to accompany you to the doctor’s appointment?” or “Should I go shopping for you?”: Small everyday aids like these can be enormously valuable for people who are in a mental crisis. Because they give them the feeling that they are not alone, as Steffen Häfner, specialist in psychosomatic medicine and psychotherapy, explains.
Whether in the family or among friends or acquaintances: Supporting people in psychological crises begins much earlier. This means that as an outsider, you can recognize and take seriously changes in behavior. According to Häfner, these can include withdrawal from social activities, mood swings, irritability or sleep disorders.
The bystander effect threatens in circles of friends
“In such moments, it is important not to wait too long, but to seek a conversation in a quiet and private moment,” advises Häfner, who is the medical director of the Klinik am schönen Moos in Bad Saulgau. He warns that the so-called bystander effect can quickly develop, especially in circles of friends: everyone relies on someone else to make the first move – and in the end, no one seeks the conversation.
You can start with questions like “I’ve noticed that you’ve changed, do you want to talk about it?” or “How are you really feeling?” This gives the person concerned space to open up. Follow-up questions signal genuine interest – this can be good for those affected in such a situation.
Why silence in conversations also helps
And how do you deal with the helplessness that arises when your friend tells you about dark thoughts or an endless inner emptiness?
Häfner makes it clear: In a situation like this, it’s not about finding quick solutions or answers. “Sometimes simply listening is the greatest support that relatives can give,” says the specialist. “It can be enough to just be present and endure the silence.” That’s exactly what can help sort out thoughts – without the pressure of having to find words for them straight away.
Friends can provide support during mental crises, but only professionals can treat mental illnesses. Häfner therefore advises gently encouraging those affected to seek help from psychotherapists or appropriate clinics.
Note: Anyone who feels psychologically stressed can find help from the telephone counseling service: On 0800/1110111 or 0800/1110222. Alternatively, there is a chat service at: online.telefonseelsorge.de
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