How slow sex can make your love life better

slow sex
Photo: CC0 / Pixabay / JUrban

Slow sex describes a form of physical intimacy that is based on mindfulness and a lack of intention. In this article you will learn what exactly slow sex is, how it enriches your love life and how you can start with it.

Slow sex is a fashionable term for a form of physical intimacy that emphasizes mindfulness and an authentic connection with yourself and with your partner.

Slow sex is about consciously experiencing a sexual experience – whether masturbating or having sex with another person. It is the opposite of sex that uses automated movements to achieve orgasm as quickly as possible and reproduces a type of intercourse present in mainstream porn or movies.

In this article, you’ll learn what slow sex is, how it can enrich your sexual expression, and how you can practically start having slow sex.

Slow Sex: That’s behind the term

Slow sex is about mindfulness and conscious experience.
Slow sex is about mindfulness and conscious experience.
(Photo: CC0 / Pixabay / Dibjo)

Slow sex is not about certain positions or erotic tricks, but about the inner attitude. The basic idea is similar to that underlying meditation: to be aware and present instead of functioning on autopilot.

Slow sex is an opportunity to shed conventional ideas about how sex should look, sound and feel. Instead, you go into a sexual encounter with openness and without goal or expectations: orgasm may or may not occur. Maybe penetration is part of that experience, maybe not.

Consciousness is more important than the orgasm or the performance in slow sex. This means that you savor all the sensations and how they feel in your body. This can cause sex to slow down—but again, it’s not a must. Any kind of sex can be slow sex as long as everyone involved consciously experiences and enjoys it.

How slow sex can enrich your love life

Slow sex can strengthen your relationship.
Slow sex can strengthen your relationship.
(Photo: CC0 / Pixabay / alllessandro_)

Slow sex can enrich the experience of your sexuality in many ways:

  • The conscious experience of slow sex lets you feel physical sensations even more intensely.
  • Slow sex can take the pressure off of performing a certain way or having to have an orgasm. This can be so relaxing that for some people, orgasm is just becoming possible. This expectation-free attitude can also help with erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation.
  • Because slow sex takes time and because it’s no longer about reaching an orgasm, the sex usually lasts much longer.
  • Without an orgasm, you retain your sexual energy even after sex. This can sustainably increase your libido.
  • Slow sex invites you to show yourself authentically to a partner. This can be a good way to build trust.
  • Slow Sex lets you rediscover sex by encouraging a creative and curious attitude.

Here’s how you can start having sex more consciously

Slow sex not only works with a partner, but also with yourself.
Slow sex not only works with a partner, but also with yourself.
(Photo: CC0 / Pixabay / StockSnap)

Are you curious and would you like to try slow sex while masturbating or with a partner? Then you will find the most important tips here:

  • Try to have fun and enjoy experimenting. Free yourself from expectations as much as possible and remember: There is nothing to do wrong, only to learn.
  • First, in a non-sexual moment, talk to your partner about wanting to try slow sex. Explain to him/her why this type of sex sounds interesting to you. Even if he/she isn’t directly open to the idea, you can try slow sex with yourself while masturbating first.
  • Create a conscious, disruption-free space for sex. Turn off your smartphones and maybe even tidy up the room you plan to have sex in. A distraction-free space makes it easier for you to be present during sex.
  • Start slow. If you’re used to masturbating or having sex for only five to 10 minutes, trying to stretch that straight to half an hour or even several hours might be overwhelming. Instead, you can, alone or with a partner, first slow down a usual movement or touch and feel the sensation. Then you can carry on as usual.
  • Focus on your breath and your partner’s breath. Deepen and slow it down. Try out what it’s like to breathe synchronously.
  • Look into each other’s eyes when touching each other.
  • Do not touch yourself/your partner directly on the most erogenous parts of the body. Instead of stimulating the clitoris or penis as quickly as possible, experiment with touching all over the body.
  • Avoid having sexual fantasies running in your head while masturbating or having sex with a partner. Instead, try to keep your attention on whatever is there.
  • Go into your body again and again with your perception, similar to a meditative body scan.
  • Relax your body as best you can. For example, if you notice that you are tensing your pelvis or your movements are becoming very fast, then consciously slow them down and release the tension. Pause for a moment and then continue. With relaxation exercises that you integrate into your everyday life, you can learn to let go better.


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