Living independently is not always easy. We often make our decisions dependent on the expectations of others. But that doesn’t have to be the case: if we learn to overcome the fear of rejection, we can determine our own lives.
Why is living independently so difficult?
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Every day we make many decisions that determine our everyday life and our lives. Of course, sometimes we have to do things that we don’t really want to do. But how many decisions do we make based on the expectations that others have of us? How often do we expose ourselves to avoidable stress just to avoid disappointing others?
The main reason why we are too often influenced by the opinions of others is fear of rejection. If we disappoint those around us, they might withdraw their love, affection or recognition from us.
Even as children, we develop a “catalogue of values” that is passed on to us by our environment. We learn early on which behavior we receive praise for and which we receive criticism for. We then continually adapt our behavior in order to be liked and accepted. There is a simple, natural reason for this: as children, we are existentially dependent on the affection of our parents, because without it we have no chance of survival.
In most cases, however, the fear of rejection remains even after childhood. To varying degrees, we become dependent on the opinions of those around us, even if rejection is no longer life-threatening in adulthood.
Living independently is good for you
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Everyone wants to be loved and accepted. But in doing so, we often try to conform to an image that others have of us. But our family members, friends, colleagues and superiors all have a different image of us. If we try to please everyone, we end up in an inner contradiction. We lose our authenticity.
If you want to live your life independently and authentically, you have to become independent of the opinions of others. You will notice that over time you will feel less and less stress, anxiety and pressure. If you no longer want to meet the expectations of others, you will find a whole new level of serenity and inner peace.
You will stop worrying about what others think of you. By becoming more self-determined, you will get to know yourself better and find out what you really want and what is important to you in life. Then you can shape your life the way you want it. You will notice that your uniqueness will not only be accepted by others, but will be valued.
How to learn to live more independently
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If you believe that you are not accepted as you are, then you are pretending. You want to meet expectations. But that doesn’t make you authentic. But you can learn to be self-determined and authentic:
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Accept yourself as you are: The first step to a more self-determined life is to accept yourself as you are. Only then can you really become clear about your needs and make them clear. You can never be loved by everyone and that is not necessary. If you value yourself, you will radiate that outwards – and will be respected for it. We give you tips on how to overcome your self-doubt.
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Don’t take things personally: If your decisions or statements are met with incomprehension or criticism, remember that other people’s judgments have nothing to do with you, but with the other person’s values. This also applies to you if you catch yourself being too hard on yourself.
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Your ideas are not real: We often pretend or act against our needs based on assumptions. In most cases, you don’t even know what others think. So there’s no point worrying about it. We all see the world only through our own eyes and have our own “set of values.”
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Judge yourself only according to your own criteria: When others judge and condemn you, they do so without any solid information about the reasons for your actions. Realize that only you know your intentions.
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Keep a cool head: Don’t react emotionally when others think badly of you. Mindfulness exercises help you to become more aware of this and not to get lost in your emotions.
Listen to yourself
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Always remind yourself: You can’t please everyone. You are not responsible for other people’s happiness. Everyone can only be responsible for that themselves. Not everyone can get along with each other and that doesn’t have to be the case. So why not listen to yourself and do what you think is right?
To do this, you must learn to trust your inner voice. In every situation, you should first ask yourself:
- What do I think about it?
- What do I want?
- What do I not want?
Observe how you feel. Include your mind as well as your heart in the decisions.
Don’t compare yourself to others and don’t try to be perfect. You are unique and good just the way you are.
Living independently does not mean acting selfishly
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There is a saying: If everyone thinks of themselves, everyone is taken care of. To many people, that sounds like selfishness. But the bottom line is that only you can decide what you can expect of yourself and what is good for you. Only when you are doing well yourself can you do good things for others. Only when you love yourself can you love others.
However, living independently does not mean acting selfishly. It does not mean that you should stop doing anything for others or not be considerate. But you should ask yourself what things you do just to avoid being rejected, disappointing or making a good impression.
Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself what you want and what is good for you. Perhaps the other person is being selfish by asking you for something that is uncomfortable or that is causing you stress. And if he/she doesn’t understand your no or is hurt, then it is his/her responsibility to deal with it. Nevertheless, you can lovingly take him/her by the hand and help him/her in difficult situations.
Those who live independently take responsibility for their actions. If you no longer make your decisions dependent on the opinions of others, you also take responsibility for them. This will enable you to make more conscious decisions and act – to the best of your knowledge and belief.
Of course, you can always get advice or help from others. Living independently does not mean living in isolation and having to face every challenge alone. Instead, you decide for yourself when you want to act on your own and when you want to accept help from others.
Read more on Techzle\.com:
- Think positively: How to learn to do it and get rid of negative thoughts
- Get rid of a guilty conscience: How to overcome feelings of guilt
- Hygge: How to be happy in Danish
Edited by Laura Hintereder
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