Saw a vlog about the most pointless inventions in automotive history. We see the usual suspects pass by. The steel folding roof – heavy, unaesthetic, crash and prone to breakdown. The colored car tire, moronic. The crazy roof construction of the Citroen Pluriel, ditto. The one-arm wiper from Mercedes-Benz, much ado for much more lazy. Audi’s Procon-Ten system, which pulled the steering wheel away in a collision with the driver – but unfortunately caused major collateral damage under the hood and moved the injury risk to other parts of the body after a frontal blow.
Good point. Still, I don’t even find the strongest examples. All these dead ends were corrected by better insight. The most embarrassing cases are not overtaken by common sense, but can spread indefinitely, because hardly anyone protests. What is even stranger because they do not progress, rarely serve a useful purpose, and complicate simple actions unnecessarily. The reason; the consumer does not want to be left behind. Until the Corona crisis, the manufacturers knew they were eating your hand if you fed that addiction.
The touchscreen is the front runner in the parade of flourishing nonsense. Sometimes it is not easy due to the accessibility, the screen size or the smart layout of the graphics, but usually it is messing around by touch, price shooting at the fair. The icons are too small, the hand must cling to the screen like a monkey for a bit of something to hold on to – these are and are still issues. But we have them, that seems to be their reason for existence. Innovation is another word for fashion.
The analog equivalent of those screens has long been the electrically adjustable outside mirror. The old fashioned pallet worked just as efficiently and just as fast. It is only there for the feeling of luxury. Anyway, it works.
You shouldn’t waste a word on the really cranky volume. The touchpad for handwritten control commands, what a blast. Gesture control, which means that nowadays you unintentionally open sliding roofs or switch your stereo to deafening with a rash hand movement. Massage programs – no, not again! The heated armrest – who puts an arm on it at all? The electric boot lid, which may be of some use if the lid is too high or too heavy, but in most cases will only delay loading and unloading. The dynamic turn signal, since Audi took the scoop epidemic from Jaguar to DS; Total nonsense. Multicolored mood lighting in your Focus, panoramic roofs that cannot be opened – we are far away.
On the other hand; that empty fringe does not cause any inconvenience. But besides the touch screen, there is more annoying foo that does, and which we will never get rid of again. Lane keeping systems are more of a scourge than a boon on narrow roads with marked cycle paths due to the permanent warning panic they cause. At least you had measurable benefits from that steel folding roof; more peace in the tent, a stab-resistant roof, more safety. Procon-Ten, in all its Willie Wortel-like circumstance, was a genuine attempt to better protect occupants in the pre-airbag era. That functional goal was completely abandoned in the bling era. Today’s nonsense is purely for the gizmo fever. You only want to show that 15-second self-sufficient steering wheel of your brand new B-segmenter; look, we from Germany, France and Korea are completely up to date. My predominant thought in most new cars is therefore: Where Is The Power Button? Sometimes you will find the fastest way to redemption on or next to the steering wheel. But sometimes you better enter a menu. From your touchscreen.
Lord, do push and turn buttons for me, until the day when you are pleased to extinguish the Light. Do not let Satan of senseless desire win this battle.