More and more children and adolescents have psychological problems, current figures show. In contrast, do something for resistance early on. But how do parents do that specifically?
According to the current DAK prevention radar, every sixth minor person shows depressive symptoms, every third feels lonely. The results of the Lancet Psychiatric Commission on Mental Health Adolescent are also “alarming”, says Cornelia Metge, member of the board of the Federal Psychotherapist Chamber (BPTK) and child and adolescent psychotherapist.
Andreas Hillert is the chief physician of the Schön Clinic Roseneck in Prien. He sees a certain lack of disorientation in many of his young patients: 50 percent of young patients answered the question of what they were going to do after graduation, with “no idea”. This disorientation is often also a result of individualistic educational models and behaviors of the parents, according to the specialist in psychiatry, psychotherapy and psychosomatic medicine. For example, if you live in family and environment according to the motto “No matter what you do, the main thing is you are happy”, but the integration into social structures is neglected.
However, a fulfilling life presupposes that individual wishes and opportunities are brought to a sustainable fit with what is needed and paid in the respective society.
“Every child should be given the tool to strengthen their resilience,” says Professor Andreas Hillert. Cooperation between the help systems, in particular daycare, school, youth welfare and health care, are required – but also the parents. So how do you make children fit for life?
Exemplary: give orientation instead of unlimited freedom
Hillert advises parents to convey the importance of responsibility and structure in life to the children. In this way, they create awareness of the need to set realistic goals – and to take responsibility for your own future.
Specifically, this means that parents should talk about their profession and their work. And in an adult way: “That means I not only complain about my boss and how bad everything is, but I try to convey a value,” said the psychiatrist. “For example, by saying: I have a stressful job, but in this area it is fun. That is important to me, that’s why I do it.”
In this context, it can also be conveyed that commitment is worthwhile. Or must also be: From a certain age, parents should introduce young people to the topic and say: “If you want to buy something special, please earn the money yourself,” advises Hillert.
Parents, do not be “friends” and allow conflicts
“Parents have to take responsibility in the role of parents,” says Hillert. That means: “I don’t always have to be liked.”
This also includes allowing and enduring differences where children can grow: “Parents do a favor at short notice: I do everything for you, my child. But in the medium and long-term, parents avoid the conflicts that are necessary to give children orientation.”
Convey personal responsibility and self -efficacy
Keep everything away from the children, regulate the uncomfortable for them – this may be well meant, but parents should – always age -appropriate – leave certain responsibilities to the children, said Hillert. For example, say: “The problem with your girlfriend with whom you argued: Please clarify this yourself, you are now twelve, you have to get it there.”
On the other hand, he recommends that to involve children in the life of the adults, “and not to think that you have to protect children and somehow bring them up later”. Because: “Where else should I get my role models as a child?”
Limit media use yourself
Smartphones, computers and games are part of our everyday life. However, excessive online time can lead to social incompetence and isolation, which is why parents should set clear limits here. It is not always easy: “As adults, the parents know that media use is limited. And if the son screams, they have to endure it.” This is definitely a difficult situation, especially if classmates are allowed longer and more than their own child. It is particularly important here. For parents, this means: even being online for four hours after work.
And what can children and adolescents do instead? “Meeting with friends and listening to music indicate many young people as hobbies,” says Hillert, “but these are both interests that do not include a binding assumption of responsibility.” Parents should therefore support their children in looking for binding activities in real life, music lessons or sport, for example. A certain degree of consequence is required: an instrument should not only be “tried” for half a year, but should be practiced regularly – which will not always be fun, says Hillert.
Sports for social competence
He considers sport to be particularly effective and absolutely recommends introducing children to sport. This can only be obtained to a limited extent later in life, because: “It is important that learning experiences are being experienced over the years. And it is completely indifferent whether the child plays hockey, football or something else. Because ultimately it is about common interests, binding interests in a group.”
Such activities also help children build strong social networks. Regular contact with others is important for mental health and can strengthen the resilience of the children, including their resistance to mental illnesses.
Hillert: “When parents miss it to give their children a framework in which they train social skills and develop binding interests, they increase the likelihood that these children will find their identity in a mental disorder and thus the role of a patient.”
No stress can be harmful
It sounds well meant. But the parenting motto “Do what you want, the main thing is that you are happy”, according to Hillert, rather lead to stress and less resilience. This was also shown by his research on susceptibility and success of therapy in differently oriented milieus, the so -called sinusMillieus, which does not clust the company according to socio -economic factors, but according to values. Young people from the “hedonistic” milieu, in which a value in the here and now is more fun and is conveyed, are therefore overrepresented in psychiatric institutions, according to the doctor.
At the same time, their chances of success are significantly worse than for young people from more traditional milieus, in which more value is placed on professional and personal perspectives. Parents should therefore not enable less stress, but more orientation.
Other sources: DAK prevention radar 2025, The Lancet Psychiatry
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