Gaslighting can destroy a person’s self-confidence and distort their perception of reality. Our article explains what gaslighting is, how to recognize it and how to deal with it.
Gaslighting owes its name to Patrick Hamilton’s 1938 play Gas Light, a play about the form of mental abuse that is now known by that name. Accordingly, the perpetrators are called “Gaslighters” and the victims “Gaslightee”.
In “Gas Light,” a husband manipulates his wife into denying he sees the things she sees, including a flickering gas lantern. As a result, the woman begins to doubt herself and threatens to go insane. In the end, however, it is possible to unmask the manipulation. In reality, it often takes many years for a victim to recognize the abuse as such.
If you suspect that someone around you is a victim of gaslighting or that you could be affected yourself, you should definitely get help. This also applies if you are unsure or have doubts. Gaslighting can trigger mental illnesses, including depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, or delusional states. You can find possible contact points for Bavaria here, for example. Throughout Germany, the White Ring can provide initial orientation.
What is gas lighting?
The scientific term for gaslighting is “invalidating communication,” where invalidate means “devalue.” According to the technical definition, gaslighting refers to psychological violence that deliberately disorientates, unsettles and manipulates the victim. As a result, the victim increasingly questions and loses their own perception of reality confidence. The perpetrator can be an individual, but there can also be multiple perpetrators. The prerequisite for the manipulation is that there is a relationship of trust between the perpetrator and the victim, such as in a relationship.
Due to the relationship of trust, the victim does not question the manipulative statements or contact third parties. Instead, those affected doubt themselves. In extreme cases, perpetrators even manipulate the victim’s entire environment so that it confirms their statements and thus unintentionally contributes to the crime. Gaslighting can destroy the victim’s self-confidence very quickly and permanently, leading to social isolation.
In most cases, the perpetrators are aware of their behavior and act with the motive of exercising power. Gaslighting can also be used to cover up sexual abuse. Sometimes the perpetrators themselves suffer from mental disorders. Reason for their misconduct can then for example narcissisticdissociative or psychopathic personality disorders.
How can gaslighting work?
There are some distinctive techniques that gaslighters often employ:
- They claim the victim said or did something specific when it never happened. The allegations can become increasingly absurd, so that the victim begins to doubt himself more and more. For example, they use sentences like “You keep flirting with your neighbors!”.
- They claim to have said or done something specific themselves, when that is not true. This can show up in statements similar to this: “Darling, of course I was at home all night last night!”.
- They deny that an event took place. This can be expressed in sentences like “Sorry, but we’ve never talked about this before? What’s the matter with you: Do you have problems? “.
- They make a mess (hide things, move the car, don’t lock the front door). They then claim the victim did this and is disorganized.
- They blame the victim for their own troubles or arguments.
- They accuse the victim of inappropriate behavior or appearance.
- They talk the victim into being bad.
- But they are always loving and show supposed care. The:the perpetrator:in says things like “Darling, you just imagined that”.
In addition, there are many other actions with which the perpetrators manipulate and unsettle their victims during gaslighting. As already mentioned, the basic prerequisite for this is that the victim trusts the perpetrator. For this reason, gaslighting can take place, for example, in a partnership, but also in the family or at work.
This is how you can take action against gaslighting
The biggest risk for gaslighters is that their manipulations are exposed. This can happen, for example, when bystanders side with the victim and confirm their perception. That’s why it’s very important to reach out to others if you think you might be affected by gaslighting.
Above all, you should believe yourself and use your own memory as a guide. To consolidate this, you can, for example, keep a diary. In case of doubt, you can look up whether something happened as the alleged perpetrator claims.
If you feel you are being manipulated, you should confront the gaslighter directly. Stop him, say “stop,” and make it clear that you’re believing your own perception and not his. Then keep your distance.
Last but not least, seek professional help. You can find information about psychotherapists in your area in the doctor search or you can contact the Weißer Ring, which supports victims of abuse, for initial information.
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