Stress at work and in everyday life is stressful for your own psyche and also for your relationship. Especially in stressful phases of life, time together is often neglected in the face of stress. But the negative feelings and experiences resulting from stress also put a strain on loving relationships. This becomes particularly clear when building houses.
Constant stress and fears – building a house as a love killer
Nervousness, Irritability, lack of time and the desire to have more time alone for yourself endanger your own romantic relationship in the long term. If constant pressure and the constant feeling of being overwhelmed are added, a relationship on a private level becomes even more complicated and, above all, more porous.
Building a house together, planned with joy, commitment and a sense of togetherness, is a prime example of how quickly negative perceived stress (distress) the relationship between two people turns into the opposite: love and affection are often gradually replaced by excessive demands, loss of control, helplessness and, above all, fear.
The more continuous and stronger the pressure on the couple, the more the feeling of capitulating to the demands dominates. Building a house can be a real constant source of stress. Because this is primarily about financial pressure and ultimately also about both your shared and your own existence.
The cause of constant stress as a love killer still lies in the planning period
It becomes particularly difficult when communication increasingly falls by the wayside, closeness becomes distance and both partners withdraw more and more due to stress. From a psychological perspective, the cause of such a development can be located at a very early stage of house construction.
At a stage when planning is still taking place and the anticipation of owning your own home still resides in the highest spheres. Because despite all the anticipation and great commitment, those affected do not prepare themselves for the real reality. Rather, a dream idea manifests itself that they consistently emulate.
Problems with building a house can quickly turn into relationship problems
As is well known, dreams can also be foam. If your own wishes, which are firmly anchored in your consciousness, do not correspond to the reality of life in the long term, disappointment and frustration will often set in at some point. Too much work, unexpected costs or, for example, botched work not only increases the pressure and stress, but almost always puts a strain on the relationship at the same time.
Mutual blame and accusations are now no longer uncommon – regardless of whether they are justified or unjustified. Such behavior gradually removes the foundation of a relationship: love. But it also shows how overwhelmed the relationship itself and explicitly the two partners actually are by building the house and the difficulties associated with it.
There is a lack of practical preparation for the realities of building a house
They practically ignore how many less pleasant challenges their house project can bring. By holding on to this dream idea, it becomes difficult to deal with critical and stressful situations more confidently. Many psychologists are sure: good preparation for reality makes the relationship more resilient to the stress factor of building a house. The focus is on some essential factors that can cause lasting damage to a romantic relationship when building a house.
These factors most often lead to falling out of love when building a house:
Lack of time and loss of energy
At the beginning there is the shared desire for a home as a family home. Motivation, commitment, confidence and anticipation push each other higher and higher. Even a tightly calculated financing does not cause negative thoughts. Then the time to build the house begins.
Everything is being tackled, something constantly has to be regulated, the first advance payments, debits or repayments are due and the first problems arise on the construction site. During this time, attention to your partner is sometimes rigorously restricted. There is simply not enough time and energy for each other. Instead of personal conversations, there is an exchange of information that is often fraught with problems.
The stress increases, becomes chronic, and mutates into permanent stress. Sexuality also takes a back seat. But you are sure of each other’s love: otherwise you would hardly build a house for a beautiful future. But that is exactly a mistake with serious consequences. If togetherness and for each other are neglected, love suffers.
Financial burdens and personal limitations
Even if a house is built in a comparatively unspectacular manner, most house builders feel constant pressure due to the financial situation. The corresponding installments for loans must be paid on time, costs for construction work and materials are constantly incurred and daily living needs must also be covered.
Things can sometimes get tight and you forego spending on needs that were previously part of the normal standard of living. If there are disagreements at work, you may immediately be afraid of losing your job and thus the financial basis for the house-building adventure.
Unforeseen events eliminate planning security
Scientific studies prove it: In most cases, building a house always leads to a previously unknown lack of money. This is usually the case even if both partners have precisely calculated the financial burdens in advance and are following a well-thought-out financial plan.
All it takes is that some unforeseen event occurs during the construction of the house and throws the plan into disarray. Suddenly additional costs arise. There needs to be more savings. Now building a house is starting to have a negative financial impact on everyday life.
Pressure and constant stress cause frustration
Whether the long-planned relaxing vacation, the membership in a fitness club or the desired latest generation smartphone are no longer available – the interaction of financing pressure and personal savings measures or restrictions act as an additional driving force for pressure and constant stress. All of this has a very frustrating effect on a relationship.
Lack of mindfulness
Stress in everyday life and challenges caused by painful experiences and negative circumstances represent unavoidable aspects of life. Those who take the practice of mindfulness to heart and master it are more capable than other people in such phases of accepting the situation, making necessary decisions and gaining clarity find. In a scientific-psychological context, mindfulness leads to a more objective and comprehensive perspective.
This opens up sensible and often creative options for action and procedures for those affected, even in times of crisis. However, if there is a lack of appropriate mindfulness, it is primarily the negative aspects that dominate thoughts and actions in difficult constellations. This inevitably increases the stress factor and causes friction between partners, which can ultimately culminate in real arguments.
Work as the dominant center of life and mutual dissatisfaction
One of the most common causes of stress or constant stress when building a house is your own workload. Building your own dream home or having it built requires the utmost commitment from the private builders themselves. In practice, it seems that many couples, or at least one of the partners, helps build a house themselves. Many hope that this will achieve a savings effect.
In other cases, couples need to increase their commitment to work in order to receive additional bonus amounts. Others change jobs for better income, although this means accepting significantly longer working hours. Work is becoming more and more the dominant focus of life. This additional workload is usually also reflected in the private sector. Time for your partner or the whole family is becoming increasingly scarce.
Too much workload causes dissatisfaction on both sides
It doesn’t take long before not only your own workload causes you dissatisfaction, but your partner also becomes more and more dissatisfied. This pushes each other up to ever greater levels of escalation. The fatal thing is that appropriate communication usually fails due to one’s own dissatisfaction.
Because this makes the respective partners extremely thin-skinned and argumentative. It can even happen that a conversation between the two partners is used specifically to get rid of all the pressure and stress. Screaming and accusations further increase the distance between the people who actually love each other.
Aftermath
Problems can also arise during the move itself. What items will be taken and what will be discarded? Does a moving company take care of the move or is it enough to pack moving boxes and boxes and transport them to the new house in your own van? Here, too, the time problem can arise again if the house is not yet ready for occupancy and your own things must be temporarily stored. This sounds succinct, but it is a normal reaction to the previously stressful process of building a house.
Building a house: The famous Plan B can make the relationship more resilient to problems
The big dream of a wonderful house in the countryside ends up in reality. Building a house can of course go completely smoothly and with no financial problems, but in many cases it causes problems of all kinds. A relationship should be prepared for this in advance. The famous Plan B is important here. Anyone planning to build a house together should always run through possible negative scenarios and plan options for action if things don’t go as smoothly as hoped and expected.
January 29, 2024