When you think of burnout, you often think of too much overtime, enormous pressure and exhaustion at work. But people can also be burned out by social relationships, as experts explain.
When you hear burnout, you think of people who are literally burned out by the workload: overtime, extra workload, the feeling of immeasurable exhaustion. In 2019, the World Health Organization (WHO) recognized burnout as “chronic workplace stress that is not successfully managed.” But burnout can also affect other areas of life: private life. Then there is talk of social burnout.
Brunch on Sunday, dinner with parents on Monday, sports class with friends after work on Tuesday and two more dates towards the end of the week. In an article for Psychology Today, psychologist Amelia Aldao explains why some people feel overwhelmed by their social contacts.
Expert warns of a kind of spiral in burnout
According to Aldao, some people feel the need to attend social events. This creates pressure. “Either we stick to our appointment or we cancel it, but then feel guilty,” explains the expert.
She warns: Anyone who feels overwhelmed by many interpersonal contacts can fall into a kind of burnout spiral. The more burnout a person feels, the less flexible they are cognitively, which is why they would throw themselves into social contacts even more in order to keep up. But that in turn increases the exhaustion.
According to the WHO, symptoms of burnout are the feeling of exhaustion or listlessness, an increasing mental distance or negative attitude, as well as reduced performance, which manifests itself, for example, as a lack of concentration. However, the WHO points out that the term burnout should only be used in a professional context and not “for experiences in other areas of life”.
“Exhaustion comes from dysfunctional relationships.”
Doctor and burnout consultant Mirriam Prieß considers this to be problematic, as she explains to Die Zeit. She says: “Exhaustion comes from dysfunctional relationships – and these exist in private life as well as at work.” What the expert means is that if people spend too much time with other people or activities that are not good for them, they run the risk of becoming socially exhausted.
According to Prieß, it is critical when people make their self-worth dependent on other people – in many social contacts – or their own job. If something breaks away, those affected often feel lost. Prieß advises that people in therapy “enter into dialogue with themselves again.” However, your own needs also have to be communicated and cared for externally – for example with friends or family. “Burnout is never just the problem of the people who burn out and keep up the facade, it also affects other people.”
Possible strategies against too much leisure stress
Aldao recommends setting “flexible expectations” for yourself. This means, for example, questioning how long certain social events actually have to last. Or whether you would prefer to meet with individuals rather than in a large group. In addition, expectations are critical: “Not every activity will be a 10/10 in terms of fun and excitement,” writes the expert.
It can also help to visualize and prioritize the amount of activities in a week: What really needs to be done? What would bring you joy? And what can be postponed? Nevertheless, you should give yourself some leeway if plans turn out differently.
Burnout in private life also occurs among people who do care work
In addition to a busy schedule with private appointments, there are other dimensions that cause people to become exhausted in their private lives. According to the chairwoman of the Professional Association of German Psychiatrists, Christa Roth-Sackenheim, burnout symptoms in the private sector can also be caused by “unrestorative sleep” – or additional stress caused by care work, for example, as she emphasized in an interview with Stern. Accordingly, single parents and caring relatives are slightly more likely to be affected by burnout in their private lives. Unemployment and financial problems can also be risk factors.
Note: It is generally advisable to seek professional help if you suspect burnout. The first point of contact can be family doctors. If necessary, you should refer to specialists, usually psychiatrists, psychotherapists or psychologists.
Anyone who feels psychologically stressed can also find help from the telephone counseling service: on 0800/1110111 or 0800/1110222. Alternatively, the chat service is available at: online.telefonseelsorge.de
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