The imperfect happiness – or why we now run into the void with perfect self-optimization

Those who regularly follow the social media channels in times of corona isolation get a message hammered in: everyone should use the crisis now, improve, learn a new language, start an online business, visit online museums, with Start yoga, finally read more books, continue your education …

Yes. You can do it. But you don’t have to. Because there is already a risk that we ourselves lose in the delusion of self-optimization. The path out of this spiral towards more calm and serenity is not that difficult.

The corona crisis and our longing for self-optimization

More beautiful, leaner, smarter – many wishes are similar when it comes to your own self. Very few people are aware that we are very strict and go tough with us. Statements such as “if you want to be happy all the time have to change often” are posted on Instagram faster than they are implemented in practice. Sometimes you think what else.

You can sometimes feel overwhelmed by all these demands. On closer consideration, Confucius does not say with the quote that only the external circumstances are meant. Rather, on closer inspection it becomes clear that this is also about the internal attitude goes. Before anything can change on the outside, it must have happened on the inside.

It’s pretty difficult in everyday life. Also because we usually do very high demands on ourselves put. If the ambitious plan does not work, we have to admit in the end: we have failed! Instead of being lenient with yourself in the current exceptional situation, the reins are tightened further internally, if not even the whip is taken out.

Things like cooking, baking, sewing, online yoga or meditation seem to be within reach due to the forced # stayhome phase. If activities like meeting friends, a visit to the gym or quick errands are canceled anyway, why not just use the “time saved” and improve further?

Do we really have to get better or aren’t we just enough already?

Nice idea. But if you think about it, you will notice: This thought construct stands on shaky legs. Because in reality we have enough tasks on the slip even during the crisis.

Even before Corona, our everyday life was filled with activities and to-dos from morning to night. Instead of clinging rigidly to completion lists and fixed structures, it is now a matter of getting involved flexibly and Talent for improvisation to show. Because of the isolation, the tasks have by no means vanished into thin air. They just shifted: parents have to work and look after their children at the same time, piano lessons or sports are now online in their own four walls. One more thing is missing than before Corona: Calm and serenity towards ourselves!

Are we finally stuck in the self-optimization trap? And do you have to go along with everything just to belong? Author Isabell Prophet says that you don’t have to keep getting better. As the journalist and author explains in her book “How good am I going to get ?!”, it is rather the insight that the striving for improvement has nothing to do with more beauty, knowledge and the like.

“Self-optimization through ‘more’ to something has nothing to do with scientific optimization. It is self-deception, “says Isabell Prophet and instead pleads for”more less. Fewer calls, fewer to-dos, fewer problems and illness, stress and strain. ”As a first step against the delusion, she also recommends“ we have to put an end to the exaggerated demands. Only when less comes from outside do we have more energy for ourselves. “

Einsight as a way to recognize the inner critic

Cordula Nussbaum, an expert in time management, also relies on the Discovery of your own serenity. Instead of exposing yourself to the constraints of self-optimization, the author in her book “LMAA – 66 Mini-Pleadings for More Courage, Ease and Serenity” provides food for thought on how to recognize your own drivers, expose them and instead do what you really want .

“The core idea of ​​the 66 impulses is: Let go of what makes you unhappy,” says the business journalist and author. In order to get out of the wheel of self-optimization, according to Nussbaum, a look inside is necessary. Instead of following a trend and therefore often the masses, it can be helpful to ask yourself instead: Do I really want that or do I really want something completely different?

Almost all tips deal with the self-awareness of your own self. According to Cordula Nussbaum, not just running along and being different from others is part of the definition of the self. At the beginning this may seem a little strange and selfish to many of us. However, if you really want to be happy, you first have to recognize yourself and your own needs.

The path to happiness and serenity begins with the first step

The philosopher Ariadne von Schirach also differentiates in interview to her book “You shouldn’t work” between the terms self-optimization and the art of living.

Self-optimization be working on things like our body, the presentable Instagram account or the professional position that we hold. So everything that you can compare with other people. The term she chose Art of living deals with the individual relationship to one’s own inner self. “Values ​​such as character, education or humor count here,” said von Schirach.

According to the philosopher, both areas are part of every human being. It becomes difficult when the area of ​​self-optimization takes over and becomes a delusion. If the inner reference is lost and you only care about the representation on the outside, “then everything that cannot be calculated, cannot be depicted and cannot be compared is eliminated. And that is really a problem because the meaning that we can give to our life and at the same time gain from it is on the inside, ”says Ariadne von Schirach.

Gratitude as a path to serenity

According to the philosopher, the solution lies in getting rid of the self-imposed worldview and questioning your own attitude. For example, is your own value really defined by looks and do we all really have to get better and better to be happy? Do we really have to earn our own luck hard?

At first glance, the way out of the carousel of self-optimization sounds simple: “In order to reflect on ourselves again, it is necessary to return to our inner world,” explains von Schirach. “Only from there can we experience, align, correct ourselves.”

Practical tips like that Gratitude ritual help. A lucky diary helps to keep a daily eye on things that are otherwise taken for granted. That makes you happier and has a positive effect on your own feelings. And in the evening, before going to bed, thinking about whether you are satisfied with your own behavior and focusing on your own wishes instead of paying attention to other people is feasible for everyone.

According to the philosopher, the quality of one’s own life cannot be determined by material things, but is defined by what defines each of us.

Less is more

So how happy you are with your life has everything with yourself and your own ideas to do. Like every situation, the Corona crisis ensures that one’s own life is analyzed more closely and evaluated from a new perspective.

By practicing more serenity towards life, there is a chance in the crisis, with “more less” to go your own way. And so, contrary to all trends towards external self-optimization, living a life, that means happiness for you as an individual.

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